A Guide to the Avengers Rules
by electracait
Summary: A bunch of drabbles of things the Avengers are not allowed to do and why! Rated T for cursing and some references. Enjoy! Chapter 1 now fixed
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I'm back! My other story got deleted :( but I'm back with a new one, they're just some drabbles about things the Avengers can't do, I'm still taking request I just won't be able to say who gave them to me (that's why my other story got deleted) and any questions I'll have to PM you the answer because I'm not allowed to answer it here (also why it got deleted)**

**Kudos to Arrows the Wolf for helping me name the story…I'm done with the talking!**

**Disclaimer: I own an army of flesh eating gerbils, but not the Avengers :(, I'm willing to trade though!**

**Warnings: None!**

•_Steve is not allowed near an iron unless supervised_

Steve Rogers was usually a self-sufficient man…when things made sense, but now that he was in present time 2012 and no longer in the 1940's he needed some help, with for example the iron...don't get him wrong he knows how to iron since they were already present back in his time, he just didn't know how to use a Stark-Iron that had 100 multiple functions therefore had millions of buttons; which is why he left the iron on while looking for Bruce (the other genius of the team) to help him iron his clothes.

He was halfway down the Stark Tower, towards the newly build gym when he was pushed non too kindly by Stark running his way up screaming "Fire!" and followed by that weird robot called Dummy holding a fire extinguisher.

Two hours and two extinguishers (Dummy had use a whole fire extinguisher on Tony for no reason) after did Tony reappear holding what used to be Steve's white shirt. "Who let the iron on?" Yelled a red faced Tony.

"Man of Iron, did you named yourself after that deathly machine?" Asked a curious Thor while Steve slowly backed away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I'm trying to bribe Marvel to give me the Avengers...**

**Warnings: None**

_•NONE of the avengers are allowed near an iron_

"STEVE ROGERS!" Screamed Tony, shoving the ruined white shirt in Steve's face, "How did you managed to set the whole room on fire?"Asked an impressed Bruce, unluckily as soon as Bruce mentioned fire Dummy, Tony's robot took it upon himself to spray everyone with the fire extinguisher.

"For Pete's sake Tony! Shut that robot down!" Screamed Natasha, while Clint discretely took the iron "I can't shut it…CLINT!" Everyone whipped their heads towards Clint to see him battling with Dummy, fire extinguisher against an iron. "Give me that." Said Thor yanking the iron out of Clint's grasp, "Thor no! Wrong side…ouch!" Exclaimed Bruce while Thor yelled in pain throwing the abusive object across the room barely missing Steve and hitting/ burning the bed instead.

"My bed!" Sobbed Tony, "My hand!" Roared Thor, "My shirt…Whined Steve" at those words Tony launched himself at Steve tackling Clint in the process ensuing a fight between the three, which of course Natasha tried to break up only making a bigger mess.

"STOP!" Screamed a voice halting (miraculously) the Avengers "What happened?" Asked a bewilder Coulson standing next to a furious Nick Fury, "None of you near are allowed near and iron ever again!" Yelled Nick.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I really do love Dummy I swear! And thanks for the reviews *hearts* Sorry for shortness **

**Disclaimer: Soon...**

**Warnings: None**

•_Thor and Steve are not allowed in Tony's workshop (as requested)_

It was one sad afternoon when Tony walked into his workshop to find a giant hole in the floor and a smoking destroyed blaster next to it, the tables turned over with their contents spilled over the floor and one of his suits destroyed. Cringing Tony turned towards the struggling sounds in the back corner of the room, there he found Thor and Steve trying to attach Dummy back together with duck-tape.

"COULSON!" Yelled Tony exiting out of the destroyed workshop

_**OoOoOoOoOoOo**_

"Thor, Steve...You cannot go back to the workshop...ever." Said a passive Coulson while Tony death glared them from behind while carrying pieces and bits of Dummy.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: HAPPY LATE FOURTH OF JULY! Love you all hope you enjoy this chapter *****heart***

**Disclaimer: *****insert funny disclaimer about how sad it is that I don't own the Avengers***

**Warnings: None**

•_Captain America will not be referred to as Captain Virginity during an_ _interview_

"Welcome to Ross Studios! I'm Tina Fey your host and today we have the pleasure to have Tony Stark (Ironman) and Steve Rogers (Captain America) as our guests!" Said an overly enthusiastic woman, "Tony Stark, is there anything you'd like to tell us?" She asked "Yes I believe you mispronounced Steve's hero name." Replied the multi-millionaire playboy philanthropist.

"Oh I'm terribly sorry, what's the correct way to say it?" She wondered while Steve shot a confused glanced at Tony, "Captain...VIRGINITY!" Half said half yelled Tony into the face of poor Tina Fey. "STARK!" Yelled Steve launching himself at an already running away Tony Stark leaving Tina Fey to stutter apologies to the camera for the inconvenience.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hands up if you know who Justin James Hughes is! (Or leave a comment, I don't think I'll be able to see if your hand's up)**

**Warning: None **

• _Steve cannot use Tony's iron suit as a punching bag even if "he deserved it"_

Natasha was walking down the hallway towards the kitchen when she heard a pained scream inside the gym, running towards the pain scream that were now cries of indignation she wrenched the door open to see Tony cradling his Ironman suit that looked as if it had been punched through several times and an almost sorry looking Steve standing awkwardly next to him.

"What happened?" Asked Natasha, "Steve used my suit as a punching bag!" Accused Tony "Well he deserved it! He called me Captain Virginity on national TV!" Retorted Steve. Pinching the bridge of her nose Natasha exited out muttering about how four year olds are more mature than that, passing by an amused looking Loki.

"Am I the only one that noticed how Starks machines are getting destroyed a lot?" He asked while Tony glared at him, hugging his suit tighter.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Tell me your thoughts people do I keep this going or not?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers *sob***

**Warnings: The word 'crap' **

•_NONE of the avengers (expect Bruce) or Loki are allowed in Bruce's lab _

"I wonder what this taste like." Asked Clint while holding a test tube filled with blue liquid "Then taste it." Replied a bored Loki who was eyeing the Bunsen Burner; Steve walked in at the same time that Clint quickly chugged down the substance, "Barton! What are you doing?" He exclaimed, "Oh calm down Steve I-" But Clint was cut short when he heard a small explosion, both Steve and Clint turned around to see a sheepish Loki next to what used to be a Bunsen Burner that was now covered in green slime and bits of papers.

"Oops?" Said Loki in an innocent voice "Clint why are you blue?" Boomed Thor, startling the other three "I'm not bl-AH! Screamed Clint once he looked at his indeed blue reflection "That's why you don't drink weird stuff!" Scolded Steve "My bad Marie-Sue!" Retorted Clint leaving a confused Steve to wonder what a Marie-Sue was. "There you guys are...What the..." Unluckily Natasha took that moment to walk in to see a Loki and Thor discussing about the Bunsen Burner, a panicking blue Clint and a confused looking Steve.

"Hey Nat, did you find them?" Asked Tony from behind but stopping short once he saw the mess. "Here Clint drink this it'll turn you back to normal, you'll no longer look like Smurf." Said Tony grinning mischievously. "NOOO!" Screamed Natasha while tackling Tony, ensuing a fight "MY LAB!" Yelled a green looking Bruce.

"Crap." Muttered Steve.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Sorry I couldn't post yesterday XD but here's a chapter! Thanks for the reviews and story alerts and story favorites they make me smile :) **

**Disclaimer: I own a weird…so maybe I should own the Avengers…no? Fine…**

**Warning: None**

•_EVERYONE STOP POKING BRUCE_

Bruce was calmly eating his morning toast when he felt the side of his head being poked, turning around he saw a Tony Stark trying to act innocent, shaking his head Bruce went back to his toast only to be poked in the other side of his head. Turning around once more he saw Clint with a sly smile looking at him, Bruce retained a sigh and once more trying to focus on his toast only to feel the back of his head being poked, slightly irritated he looked back to see Thor grin weakly and turning the other way to avoid Bruce's stare; Bruce was about to start speaking when he felt his neck being poked turning around he saw Natasha grinning at him daring him silently to do something. Bruce could feel his blood pressure escalating and took a deep breath, that got interrupted by someone poking his nose, opening his eyes slowly Bruce saw a sheepish Steve. Bruce vein pulsed and...  
"RAWR!" Said a now huge and green Bruce. "Hello agents I have a mission for you!" Said Nick Fury walking in.  
"HULK SMASH!" Yelled Hulk punching Fury and sending him flying. You could hear Nick scream as he flew away "AVENGERS!" He said sounding rather angry.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: So my friend made me notice how I was writing the speech things wrong (thanks!) instead of having a parenthesis I had a dash (oops) so I tried to fix it and it turned into a huge mess…But it's all good now! Yay, sorry if you received weird alert emails from this story. **

**Disclaimer: Do I have to say it…*cough* I don't own the Avengers **

**Warning: Thigh-chokes**

•_Natasha cannot thigh-choke Tony, and Tony cannot make any sort of comment about Black Widow having an affair or being related to Spiderman._

"Nat, Nat, Nat" Said Tony whilst poking Natasha and her head, "What? I'm trying to read Stark" Said an irritated Natasha. "Well I was wondering, you know 'bout Spiderman?" He asked trying to fight back a smirk, "Yeah…?" She asked rising an eyebrow.

"Well is he your son, or secret underage lover?" He asked with a full original Tony Stark smirk "STARK! For the billionth time, NO!" She yelled her face flushing red, "Just because my code name is Black Widow doesn't mean I'm related to Spiderman!" She ranted.

"Not even as a grandson?" He teased further, "That's it!" Natasha yelled by flipping herself to bring her legs up the ground and around Tony's neck in one swift movement, "Suffer!" She yelled doing her famous thigh-choke on a struggling Tony; both oblivious to Clint staring at them from the door way his face going red by the minute.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Part two to the previous chapter yay, tell me your thoughts people. I'm going on vacation starting Wednesday so I won't be able to update until next Monday which is why I will upload four chapters today! **

**Unrelated note Loki will be in this fic cause he's too awesome for him not to be :P let's just say he's not as evil and crazy now and him and the Avengers are buddies!**

**Disclaimer: I OWN THE AVENGERS!... Don't believe me? Well fine I don't, you caught me :'( **

**Warning: Sex reference, bad word**

_•Tony cannot say "I like it rough" when being thigh-choked. _

Clint couldn't believe his eyes, Natasha *his* girlfriend was thigh-choking Tony, not that he minded the thigh-choke is usually painful not enjoyable but it was Tony-freaking-Stark that was being thigh-choked, little bastard probably liked it, and proven right he was as he heard Stark saying "I like it rough" in a strained voice followed by him choking as Natasha tighten her grip.

"I didn't know Midgardians were so open with their relationships" Said Loki, spooking Clint and turning his face an even deeper shade of red, "That's it!" Exclaimed Clint leaving abruptly, Loki stared confusedly look at Clint's angry figure that was retreading into the weaponry room.

"Did I say something wrong?" He wondered out loud, then shrugged as if to say 'who cares'.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: I will warn you right now, punctuation is my weakness when writing. **

**PART 3!**

**Disclaimer: Really again, you people must enjoy torturing me!**

**Warning: None **

•_Clint cannot try to "shoot Tony's head off" when jealous_

Clint came back pretty quickly now carrying his crossbow and arrows, pushing past an amused looking Loki he stalked towards Tony that was being thigh-choked by Natasha.

He aimed wrongfully on purpose as a warning and watched as they stopped fighting and Tony turned to look at him, "What was that?" demanded Tony dodging another arrow that was aimed at his head, "Yes agents what was all that?" Asked an eerily calmed Nick Fury standing by the front door. "Stark started commenting on me and Spiderman again so I thigh-choked him" Explained Natasha, "Tony started commenting how he liked it rough while being thigh-choked" whined Clint, "So you decided to do what exactly agent?" asked Nick, "I decided to shoot Tony's head off" stated Clint ignoring Tony's sound of complain. Nick opened his mouth, most likely to yell at the three Avengers, when they heard a booming laughter behind them.

Nick, Tony, Natasha, and Clint turned around to see a laughing Thor with a snickering Loki, both of them saying,

"Puny humans!"


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: I will warn you right now, punctuation is my weakness when writing. And is the way I'm writing this good? As in is it confusing to know who's talking?**

**PART 4!**

**Disclaimer: Really again, you people must enjoy torturing me!**

**Warning: None **

•_Thor and Loki cannot laugh at the "Puny Humans" when the Avengers are trying to kill each other._

"Hehehe puny humans" Laughed out Thor while Loki snickered in the background. Natasha Clint and Tony slowly backed away as they saw Nick's vein pop out. "Agent Thor, Loki what makes you think its okay to laugh at your teammates while THEY'RE KILLING EACH OTHER?" Said Nick yelling out the last part "they're so tiny, and weak" said Thor "Also a bit stupid" added Loki.

Nick reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of aspirin, quickly taking out a pill he popped it in his mouth whilst he walked to the front door.

"Did we do something wrong?" Asked Thor, "Buddy I think in Nicks' opinion the worst thing that we have done is being alive" Said Tony while he patted Thor's shoulder.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: So someone mentioned how it didn't make much sense that Steve didn't know how to use an iron, you're right that detail just escaped my mind sorry let's just say it was a new iron with more functions and he got confused. **

**Disclaimer: *_* I don't wanna!**

**Warning: Accidental frostiron (it will not remain frostiron sorry T/L fans) and let's just say Tony and Pepper aren't a couple in this chapter only**

**This chapter was an idea of a lovely and brilliant person (I'm not allowed to say who FF rules)**

•_Tony cannot make a fake eharmony account & Loki cannot pretend to be a girl on the internet no matter how fun it is._

Loki signed in into eHarmony, his brother Thor said it would be a good way to get to know Midgardians better and from a safer distance…just in case. Loki had made an account a couple days ago and realized his sometimes moronic brother made him get an account into a dating site, getting ready to delete his account he noticed that a certain _Handsomegenius _had sent him a bunch of emails all asking about him and flirting, sending compliments, Loki also realized that the _Handsomegenius _thought that Loki was a girl, he had to admit his own account name _Blue-rocks _wasn't very manly but still!

Deciding to have some fun Loki replied to each email _Handsomegenius _ had wrote to him and pretended to be a girl, just for laughs.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Tony logged into his fake eHarmony, _Handsomegenius_, and saw that _Blue-rocks _had answered to him; she seemed interest so he asked if she could meet him at Starbucks, to get to know her better. After an hour _Blue-rocks _finally answered with a yes much to Tony's joy, they decided to meet at the same moment after realizing that they lived in the same area and both were available.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Tony walked into Starbucks to see Loki sitting alone, deciding that he could chat with his favorite psychopath before _Blue-rocks _arrived he slid in next to him, a few seconds later Coulson did the same, "What are you two doing here?" Asked Loki "Not much, just came in for a coffee and decided to join you two" Replied the ever neutral Coulson, "I'm here to meet up with a girl, met her online her account name is Blue-rocks" Said Tony with a wink while Loki choked on his drink "You're Handsomegenius?" Whispered-yelled Loki.

Tony opened his eyes as wide as he could "What? You're Blue-rocks? But you're not a girl!" He replied. Coulson trying not to laugh out loud quickly made his way back to S.H.I.E.L.D. he had to tell this to Fury. Tony and Loki both trying to fight their nausea while insulting each other, didn't even notice Coulson's absence.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

An hour later agent Maria Hill walked into Nick's office to find both Nick Fury and Coulson laughing uncontrollably on the floor.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'm back! Enjoy :)**

**Disclaimer: Me owning the Avengers is like me being matured…so I don't**

**Warning: Language**

•_Tony is not allowed to steal TV remotes and drive by changing to channels._

Phil decided to go and watch some television; it was Saturday night so he thought he deserved some time to relax. Wrong he was, he spend 15 minutes looking for that damn T.V. remote, he finally gave up and decided to just stand up to turn on the television.

Coulson found out that his favorite movie was playing on television and decided to watch, not five minutes had passed when the channels changed by itself to some documentary about whales, Coulson stood up and changed the channel back to the movie, he made his way back to the couch when the channel changed again this time to Hanna Montana; quickly Coulson practically ran back to change the channel only to flinch back when the volume turned all the way up, Coulson put his hands over his ears and turned it down only to have the channel changed, having enough Coulson turned it off, but it turned right back on! Frustrated Coulson unplugged the television and sulked his way to the couch when his phone started ringing, "Hello?" He answered "Why must you ruined all my fun?" Asked the voice that Coulson recognized as Tony Stark, "What on Earth are you talking about?" "Look out your window" Said Tony.

Coulson made his way to the window to see Tony standing outside his car waving a T.V. remote…Coulson's T.V remote! Groaning Coulson started hitting his head against the window.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I the number of people that read this was the number that reviewed my email would hate me XD**

**Disclaimer: I totally own the Avengers, hahaha…no? Oh… :( **

**Warning: None **

•_Tony is not allowed to look at the rules and laugh evilly as it makes Coulson cry._

"What is this?" Asked Clint point to a giant piece of paper that Coulson had hanged in the Avengers tower and in S.H.I.E.L.D.; "They are rules Agent Barton, rules that all of you including Loki have to follow" Said Fury in a strict, zero tolerance voice "The rules will increase by the amount of stupid things you guys do -He continued- And you HAVE to obey the rules".

Sadly Nick Fury's rant was interrupted when they heard a little giggle that increased to a full blown out evil laugh; They turned quickly to see Tony laughing evilly whilst looking at the rules standing next to a close to tears Coulson.

"This time it wasn't me" Said an amused Loki while Coulson accepted the tissue that Steve handed to him.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: My muse sucks :/**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, you happy!**

**Warning: None (Well it might be a crappy chapter)**

•_The Avengers are not allowed near Nick F.'s office._

"I do not understand" Said Thor while staring at a mildly annoyed Tony Stark "It's simple Thor we have to take Fury's aspiring away before he gets addicted" Explained the multimillionaire playboy genius philanthropist, "And the aspirins are in his office so we have to go in" Added Clint "And we have to not get caught by Steve or Natasha" Said Bruce "Cause they are meanie goody two shoes" Said Tony while bribing a guard to let them pass. The 5 Avengers walked quietly towards the hall that let to Nick F's office, while Bruce disarmed the cameras from a distance and Tony bribed the officers they encountered, Thor and Clint walked quicker to make sure neither Nick Coulson or Maria H. were present or in the office; once they saw the coast was clear the Avengers practically ran towards the forbidden door. Tony kneeled down to pick at the lock when he saw disturbed by a high pitched scream followed by a cry of agony, turning around he saw Thor holding Nick upright, a Bruce staring at the scene like he couldn't believe it, and a Clint staggering apologies left and right "He scared me! I'm so sorry, please don't fire me; it's not very deep! I'm sorry".

Later that night Coulson retold the story to Maria H. "Apparently Nick saw them trying to get in his office, so he walked up to them and clamped his hand and Clint's shoulder, who panicked and fired an arrow to Nick's knee" He explained "Is he alright?" Asked Maria H. "Luckily the arrow wasn't deep at all, but it's Clint you should be worried about" He said laughing.

A new rule was written that day, and Clint didn't go near his crossbow and arrows for a week…on purpose.

**A/N: Yay or Nay? And guys I won't update until I get 5 good reviews…I'm joking! I promise! In fact to prove it I'll update a chapter before I even get 1 review on this!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: People please let me hear your thoughts! What do you think of this story? What rules do you thing should be made? Which chapters did you enjoy? Should I stop writing this story? Or would you like me to start making another fic separated from this one? (I'm not abandoning this until I run out of ideas) **

**Disclaimer: Well we're here once again…I think you know how this goes…No I don't own it!**

**Warning: NyanNyanNyanNyanNyanNyan (None)**

•_Thor is not allowed Nyan Cat…ever!_

"Hey Thor…Hey Thor…Hey buddy!" Thor turned around to look…well glare at Clint; the man had after all interrupted his eating of the glorious pop tart. "What?" He asked half irritated "I have to show you a video on the computer, I think you'll enjoy it" Thor agreed but missed to see Clint's evil grin due to the fact he was eyeing his half eaten pop tart with sad eyes.

Thor joined Clint in the study room to see some video called 'Nyan Cat', "Alright buddy, well enjoy!" Said Clint quickly before making his way out; Thor click the play button as he was taught and cringed back when that awful awful music started playing, to make matters worse there was a cat…with HIS pop tart "FOUL BEAST!" Yelled Thor raising his hammer and bring a thousand lightning bolts into the room hitting the computer repeatedly.

"THOR…NOT MY COMPUTER!" Yelled Tony running into the room after the noise disturbance, "I'm sorry my friend but a foul beast was stealing my pop tart and making awful music" He explained sheepishly "I'm going to kill you!" Yelled Tony launching himself a Thor only to bounce back "After I get my suit" He said groggily limping out of the room.

That night a new rule was written, Thor is not allowed near Nyan Cat…ever! Tony made sure of that.

**A/N: See I didn't wait for the reviews, I'm not a meanie *heart* **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I just want to say thanks! For all the story favorites and story alerts that this little story has gotten and all the reviews, thank you! I love each and everyone one of them and well they keep this going :) **

**Disclaimer: I'm running out of funny ways to say I don't own this :( **

**Warnings: None! **

•_No one hired by the Avengers are allowed near or IN Nick Fury's office._

"Hello there…Mark!" Said Tony after reading the name tag on an intern in S.H.I.E.L.D.s office "How would you like to help the Avengers" He asked to the fanstruck man, "I'd love to sir! I'll do anything!" Answered the overly happy intern "Oh good! We need you to sneak into one eyed man's office" Tony said as he watched Mark's face turn awfully pale "You…you mean Nick Fury's office?" Stammered the now scared Mark-the-intern "No I was talking about the other one eyed man"

"Tony don't be sarcastic with Mark, we're trying to convince him" Said Bruce with a kind smile "For example I was nice to Bethany and she agreed to help us" He continued signaling to the young blonde that was following him. "I bring forth good news! Broom-man has agreed to help us!" Said Thor while walking next to Earl the Janitor; "And I got Luke and Alicia on board with us!" Said Clint walking in shortly after.

**OoOoOoOoO One hour and a lot of talking and pop tarts after OoOoOoOo**

"Okay so you and Alicia keep a look out outside the office while me Luke and Earl are inside trying to find the aspirin bottle alright?" Asked Mark to Bethany and Alicia, "Roger Captain!" Said a happy Alicia who obviously had never met Nick Fury before; the benefit that Luke, Bethany, Mark, and Alicia being interns and of Earl being the janitor is that no one suspects them of doing something bad, because people assume they're too scared of everyone in the building to ever attempt anything, which is how Luke and Mark managed to get INSIDE the office however they didn't count on Alicia and Bethany to get scared and run when the saw Coulson coming their way, so when Coulson opened the door Earl, Luke, and Mark's first though was to freeze and not make a move, Coulson walked right by them but just as Mark and Luke were going to let out a sigh of relieve... "I saw you" Said Coulson in a neutral voice "DARN IT!".

"Coulson, you might just need to get another giant piece of paper" Said Maria that same night as Coulson wrote a new rule "Don't remind me!" Whined Coulson chocking back a sob.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry for the late update people! I've moved to a new house and well I've still gotta hire Internet and all that ;/ but my friend let me borrow her computer! Yay **

**Disclaimer: Hush…I know just let me dream that I do own it!**

**So this has Tony and Steve in it because some lovely reviewers asked for them :D!**

**Warning: Language**

•_No one can replace Nick Fury's aspirin with candy_

Tony Stark was walking along peacefully for once with Steve Rogers until he felt something hit him in the back of the head, turning around he saw a very angry Mark-the-intern but as soon as Tony glared back Mark scurried away to his desk; Tony bend down to see what he got hit with to see Nick Fury's aspirin bottle! Tony whopped in joy and picked it up "What's that?" Asked Steve approaching to get a closer look "Is that Fury's aspirin bottle?" He asked snatching it away "It is…TONY!" He yelled as Tony tried to walk away "Fine it is! But hey it was a good deed this time, ya know to stop him from getting addicted?" Tony said trying to reach for it.

Sadly Steve was much taller than him so Tony had to practically jump to get it…and he still failed "No you know what, I'm going to give this back to him" Said Steve walking down the hallway, Tony wasn't going to let that happen he had gone through so much trouble to get it! So with a warrior cry he ran after Steve and jumped on his back "Give it back Captain Virginity!" "Tony get off! What are you four?" Steve asked trying to shake Tony off his back while keeping the bottle away from Tony "GIMME!" Was the only answer that Steve got; Tony started moving left and right trying to reach the bottle but only succeeding in making Steve fall forwards "Tooo-oony!" "If you would just give me the damn bottle!" Panted Tony sitting on top of Steve chest trying to grab Steve's moving arm, the one that had the bottle of course. Steve counter-attack (forgetting in the moment of his super-strength) was to put his hand to Tony's face and try to move it back "Argh! Did you just bit me?" Shrieked Steve to a red faced Tony.

Both men were too busy struggling to notice Bruce and Thor watching from afar sharing a tub of popcorn "So they're like this always?" Asked a very amused Thor "Steve and Tony? Yeah pretty much" Replied Bruce after his laughing fit when he saw Tony and Steve having a mini slap fight. "There goes Clint" Signaled Thor, and indeed Clint passed by running snatching the bottle away; "Take that! GO CLI-!" Started yelling Tony put was interrupted by Steve's hand on his neck.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Nick Fury popped in two aspirin pills after a long hard day of work "That Steve and Tony" He grumbled as he enjoyed the sweet sugary taste of the aspirin…wait a second, aspirins aren't supposed to taste sweet! Frowning Nick opened the bottle to inspect the aspirins to find candy, CANDY! Fuming he stalked out of the office wishing he did not have to return tomorrow and cursing the more mischieveous of the Avengers and Loki (just in case) under his breath. Watching from a safe distance Clint and Tony exchanged victory smiles and laughter. They finally did it!

**The fight between Steve and Tony had me laughing! I hope it makes you guys laugh too :D *heart* **


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Let's take a moment to thank my weird brain that keeps coming up with ideas.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers…I'd still be here but I don't own them**

**Warning: One word. (language)**

•_Clint cannot invent "Naked Friday Day" and Thor cannot come naked to work._

"Ah Thor I was looking for youuu-uu…" Said Maria Hill but stopped short when she saw Thor naked, "Thor?" "Yes fair maiden?" Replied Thor obviously not feeling awkward despite the situation "Why are you…um…naked?" She mumbled her face turning a deep shade of red "Is it not Naked Friday?" He asked now confused and feeling awkward "Who told you that?" She asked but got her answered as soon as Clint walked in snickering "CLINT" Yelled Thor whilst running at him "No wait Thor I know your mad but before beating the shit outta me PUT SO CLOTHES ON!" Sadly Clint's pleating about clothes fell to deaf ears as Thor tackled him to the ground and started pummeling him.

"Some things cannot be unseen" Said Coulson walking up to Maria that had been rooted to the spot watching both men…well boys, fighting "By the way may I borrow your pen?" Asked Coulson, Maria handed him her pen but never took her eyes off of Thor, 'cause let's admitted he has a good body, "Thank you" Said Coulson while walking up to the giant piece of paper.

**A/N: So was this chapter good or do you want me to improve it?**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: The home alone movies are really violent... Anyways I wondered if the actors read the fanfictions about them…**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers it would have not been as awesome**

**Warning: Language**

•_Bubbles is not allowed to be said during a fight…and Tony is not allowed to dye Natasha's stuff pink. _

"Hey Tony did you know that saying bubbles is supposed to calm someone down?" Said Bruce on a calm evening "I had no id-" "ANTHONY EDWARD STARK!" Tony cringed that was Natasha very pissed of voice coming from the hallway and getting closer "What on Earth were you thinking? Did you think you could get away with this? First my phone then my shoes and my clothes and now MY HAIR? What the hell? What made you think that was acceptable to dye my stuff PINK, and don't even think you can blame this on Clint because he is was smarter than-" "Hey Nat say 'bubbles'" Said Tony cutting her off "BU-FUCKING-BBLES!" She replied while throwing a solid punch to his jaw sending him backwards.

With an irritated sigh Natasha walked off muttering insults in Russian; "Wanna test that theory by yourself?" Asked Tony from the floor to a Bruce that was trying to cover his grin from behind a coffee mug "No thanks".


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: The Clintasha chapter as requested, tell me how I did :)**

**Disclaimer: Bubbles**

**Warning: References**

•_Clint and Natasha cannot argue at night_

Clint walked...well stumbled into the room he shared with Natasha and took off his shoes with a semi-loud thump "shhh!" he whispered to the shoes "Clint is that you?" "...", Natasha worried Clint would never in his right mind ignore her, now it could be Steve but he tended to not go in her room, Thor...well she could hear his snores so it wasn't him, and Bruce wouldn't ignore her either; it was either and intruder that got past security , Tony, or Loki, and either way she was going to attack. She lunged at the intruder tackling him to the ground, making it so that his arms were stuck underneath him and his legs pinned by her knees.

"I surrender!" Said a slurred voice Natasha turned on the lights to see a very red face Clint, "Clint what were you doing out so late?" she asked

"Okay I'll tell you, you have to take me seriously" he replied in a grave tone "Sure" "I'm...the Batman" "You're drunk aren't you?" "...Yeah"

"YOU LITTLE IMMATURE KID YOU KNOW HOW YOU GET WHEN YOU DRINK I'M SURPRISED YOU EVEN GOT BACK AND IF YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY FORGET I'LL PLAY THE TRUMPET TOMORROW OR HOW ABOUT A DRUM SET YOU WILL SUFFER CLINT BARTON"

OoOoOoOoOoOo

A loud knocking interrupted Coulson's sleep, he turned over to see what time it was, 2:34am groaning he stood up to answer the door only to regret it when he saw Thor Tony Bruce Steve and Loki standing there arms crossed and glares from Tony and Loki "What?" he sighed..."Outrageous how can two people make so much noise at 1 AM?" "Forget that some people need their sleep so they can be awesome buddy" "I just want to sleep in peace" "I mean some consideration for the others that live there" "I know I snore loudly but that was too much"

Poor Coulson finally understood even with them all talking at once that Clint had come drunk once more and irritated Natasha who started screaming, feeling proud of himself for deciphering he decided he could afford the lack of sleep.

Finally arriving to the Stark tower Coulson semi marched semi walked up to Natasha's and Clint's room with the angry group following behind. Coulson entered the room after signaling to the others to stay behind not wanting to cause another screaming match. 1 second later Coulson walked out pale in the face "They're friends again I can assure you of that..." He said before semi walking semi running off.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Yay I guess the Clintasha chapter was a success! This was a request from a lovely friend :)**

**Disclaimer: You are a seer you can predict what I'm going to say…but in case you can't I don't own the avengers.**

**Warning: None**

•_Loki is not allowed to call Tony a "Rusty tin can" and Tony cannot call Loki a "Mountain Goat"_

Steve and Bruce walked up the stairs happily chatting with each other after going grocery shopping "I still feel bad for Coulson, I mean walking in Clint and Natasha, lucky for him Natasha didn't notice…" Ranted Bruce; the duo finally made it to the door when they heard muffled yelling coming from the other side that sounded suspiciously like Tony and Loki, Steve turned around to ask Bruce what he thought had happened to see a grocery bag on the floor and no sign of Bruce. The coward had run off! With a sigh Steve opened the door to see Tony yielding a frying pan in a threatening manner at a Loki that was a safe distance away behind a couch "YOU HEARD WHAT I SAID YOU RUSTY TIN CAN!" Yelled Loki ducking right afterwards as the frying pan came flying at him "LISTEN YOU MOUNTAIN GOAT, I WILL NOT HESITATE TO THROW YOU OUT THE WINDOW TOO!"

Steve sighed and groaned when he saw the state that the house was in the dining table was throw sideways and the chair were all over the place if not broken into piece, there were dents all over the wall in shape of either Tony or Loki, and don't even get him started on the kitchen; Steve walked over to the phone ignoring Tony's and Loki's taunting and threats too each other, calmly he dialed Coulson when a crash stopped him from pressing the call button. Turning around fearing the worst he saw a broken window but no Loki OR Tony, hurrying over the window he heard a crashing sound from behind turning around once more he saw the Iron Suit flying past him to obviously Tony Stark. A few seconds later Tony flew up with Loki mounted on his back hitting him over and over again to which Tony answered by crashing against the wall (back to the wall of course).

Steve decided they could calm down by their own and went to ask Nick F. for an aspirin.


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: IMPORTANT A/N AT THE END THAT WILL DETERMINE THIS STORY!**

**Disclaimer: Was the Avengers awesome? Yes? Then that's how you know I don't own it!**

**Warning: None**

•_Clint cannot keep Loki in suspense and Loki cannot strangle Clint._

"Hey Loki I was wondering..." Began Clint on one faithful morning "What?" Replied the Norse God "No nothing" "Tell me" "No you probably haven't anyways" "Haven't what?"

The archer decided that instead of answering he should walk away...a big mistake that was, Loki deciding he wanted to now though that the best way to get it out of Clint was through strangling. Clint was currently in the kitchen about to drink a glass of water when to slender hands wrapped themselves against his neck and started to squeeze, in shock Clint dropped the glass of water his eyes bulging out slightly "Loki! Loki let go!" He said through a chocked voice "Are you going to tell me?" "No ack!" Loki starting squeezing tighter and tighter annoyed at the young archer whose face was now starting to turn blue. "BROTHER!" The powerful voice was enough to make Loki stopped his squeezing and Clint stop his yelling and struggling "What is going on?!" Asked Thor "Umm we were…practicing!" Said Clint after exchanging glances with Loki "Practicing what?" "Wrestling" Quickly answered the God of Lies "Oh after you two are done I challenge you Loki!" Said a happy Thor flexing his huge muscles to a quickly palling Loki. Clint though that watching Loki struggle against Thor was good enough to not hold a grudge for being choked.

**A/N: Alright so I'm running out of rules but not ideas so I have an offer! I won't stop writing this but I will stop writing the rules, basically it would just be funny things that happen to the Avengers, is that okay with you guys?**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Thanks for all the kind reviews :) and sorry for the delay I suffered from lack of inspiration.**

**Disclaimer: I used to own a cookie but someone ate it…so it's probably good I don't own the Avengers or someone would've eaten by now…**

**Warnings: None**

•_One cannot joke around about Natasha dating Steve (which is not true) in front of Clint._

Tony was not in a good mood; it had been one day, ONE whole day since he had annoyed someone. Luckily for Tony he lived with the Avengers and one of them was bound to be doing something that Tony could smirk at so he decided to walk around the Avengers Tower and see what everyone was up to.

In the living Tony found Steve and Natasha sitting together talking whilst drinking wine "Hey you two lovebirds, how's your relationship going?" Asked Tony "Stark!" Warned Natasha "What? I'm just sayin' you two look pretty cozy…AAAAAAAH!" Unluckily for Tony, Clint had over-heard him and had shot and arrow to his knee…and one to Steve for good measure "CLINT WHAT THE HECK!?" Yelled Steve "I regret introducing you to Skyrim!" Yelled Tony while Natasha looked back and forth between Tony and Steve both in agony and a smirking Clint unsure of what to do.

**OoOoOoOoOo**

Coulson sighed, he was thankful that the arrows hadn't gone too deep or cause permanent damage but he was also weary; Nick Fury had demanded that Clint's crossbow and arrows were confiscated for a week and that Coulson kept them safe in his house, of course Clint Barton would not go down without a fight "Looks like another sleepless week for me" muttered Coulson whilst unknown to him Clint watched him from the air vent in the ceiling…it was going to be a long week for poor old Coulson.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I'm so sorry about the delay :( I just got a new computer that doesn't have Words in it so I couldn't type.**

**Disclaimer: It's disclaimer time! I own the...stop glaring...fiiine I DON'T own the Avengers**

**Warnings: Nada (nothing)**

•_Nick Fury shall not be referred to as "dad"_

"Under no circumstances will you EVER go into MY office or HIRE anyone to go into MY office and take MY aspiring and replace it with CANDY! Is that clear Agents?!" yelled Nick Fury to Clint and Tony after finding out who had done the horrible deed, Nick glared at both of them with his eye making sure they understood seeing that both of them looked as if they felt sorry he turned around ready to walk away "Yes dad" came the reply from Stark's sarcastic voice. Nick cringed, he turned around with his vein popping out his eye and lip twitching and his hands shaking. Clint dashed out of the room while Tony stood still smirking at Nick.

"AGENT!"


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Hehe as a bribe for taking so long I'm updating another chapter! Love me now?**

**Disclaimer:...what? Ugh you people does it look like I own it? ...yes? Oh you said no hehe well yeah you're right...**

**Warning: Nothing again ^.^**

**(A/N: This chapter was request sorry I took so long to it and the other requests are coming soon!)**

•_Steve cannot use Tony's coffee maker_

It started like this: Steve was sleepy, it continues like this: Steve had paperwork to do, it escalated to this: Steve decided to make some coffee.

Steve Rogers was staring at Tony Stark's coffee maker; why oh why did Tony's stuff have to be all advance technology? Tony's coffee maker had five buttons to pour coffee, five to make foam, six to pour milk, and other unknown buttons. Seriously a coffee maker with two buttons was hard enough.

Steve took his beloved mug and placed it in the slot of the coffee machine hesitating slightly he pushed the first button making it glow blue

"ma-king hot-co-ffee" said a robotic voice, Steve did not jump...okay maybe a little. In the distance Steve heard a mewling sound and ripped paper, he dashed out of the kitchen hoping that Banner's evil kitten wasn't eating his paperwork.

Steve strolled back into the kitchen his paperwork was untouched but he brought it with him just in case. Steve was lucky with the paperwork but he was unlucky with the coffee maker, the mug had been filled to the rim but the coffee maker hadn't stopped pouring coffee causing it to overboard and spill all over the floor, Steve oblivious to it walked towards the coffee maker but slipped over the coffee on the floor he grabbed on to whatever he could reach which was the coffee maker. Standing up straight Steve peered at the coffee maker, in his haste of not falling he had pushed down all the buttons...Steve gulped "ma-king mo-re fo-am mo-re mo-re" the coffee maker said as foam starting shooting out covering Steve from head to toe Steve hurried over the sea of foam and coffee to try to stop the evil machine he pressed the off button but to avail so he decided to disconnect the machine "i-ni-ci-a-ting back-up e-ner-gy" said the machine while it spilled more foam. Steve groaned, honestly Stark? A backup? Steve was lost on ideas so he did the natural thing of picking it up and smashing it to the ground. Success!

It ended like this: While Steve cried about his ruined and coffee stained paperwork, Tony cried over his destroyed coffee makes, meanwhile Coulson cried about the things he had to put up with everyday, while a very confused Bruce handed out tissues.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: I'm alive people! ...What's that? ...Oh you didn't miss me? …Well just read the story ;_;**

**Alright so I know someone request a fondue rule a long, long time ago and I would like to apologize but that particular request is being really hard on me so if you (or someone else) would explain to me how Steve would get traumatized by going to a fondue place (hehe I'm lame right?) or if you want to just ask for another request? Sorry once again people for the wait.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Avengers…if I did Coulson would be alive.**

**Warning: None**

•_Loki is not allowed near spray paint_

Bruce stepped out of the lab deciding it was late enough and should retire for bed, he strutted to the kitchen to make himself a warm cup of tea to help him relax, sipping his beloved chamomile tea Bruce shuffled to his bedroom. Bruce stood at the doorway his face neutral staring at his room, his bed was green, his pillows, sheets, furniture, walls, floor, windows, ceiling, clothes, and shoes were green, a Hulk green but was what most peculiar was that it was all painted with what seemed like spray-can paint "Hmm" Said Bruce taking a sip out of his mug his eyebrows slightly raised.

Steve stepped out of the shower and put some boxers on, stupid Tony had forced him to burn all his underwear once the billionaire found out that Steve still wore tighty-whiteys…now that he thought about it how _**did **_Tony find out what underwear he wore? "Crazy billionaire" muttered Steve drying his hair he walked out "What the?!" Steve half yelled dropping his towel; his room! All blue, all of it! Not one inch had been spared, he picked up his towel and rubbed his face but quickly pulled away, something smelled bad, really bad Steve eyed his towel and saw it had spots of blue paint from the floor "Oh no…" Steve said rushing to the mirror, his face was blue…

Thor woke up smelling a horrible smell; he blinked once then twice then "DEAR ODIN!" What the Vallah had happened to him room? It was all pink! A horrible shade of hot pink…and it stunk! He jumped out of his pink bed and realized his body had also been painted pink he raced to his closet hoping to be able to cover his body with some clothes but ended up crying in despair when he saw his clothes had been turned pink also. Giving up Thor walked out of his room into the kitchen hoping to AT LEAST have ONE pop tart to cheer him up, he passed by Clint who when he saw Thor spit the coffee he had in his mouth and burst out laughing, "I hope something eats you" Grumbled Thor who was clearly not amused at all

But Clint and Tony had to agree that even though Clint's room had been painted purple and Tony's bathroom had been painted bright orange Nick Fury had it worse, his house and car all had been painted in the worst combination a bright neon colors and it just wouldn't come off.

In the afternoon Loki came back from who-knows-where smiling and whistling a happy tune, "What has you so happy?" Wondered Clint "Oh just a Midgardian product I discovered yesterday" Said Loki pulling out various bottles of spray paint "IT WAS YOU" Screamed Coulson whose room had been graphitized with millions of Steve's in compromising positions…something that Coulson made sure that only he and Loki knew about…but obviously Tony found out and when he found out everyone found out. And that is why Coulson borrowed Darcy's Taser the following week.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Two chapters in one day I'm improving! Personally I blame school it just makes me procrastinate in work and write more hehe**

**Disclaimer: So me and disclaimers have a rocky relationship… I DON'T LIKE THEM.**

**Warnings: Chainsaws **

•_Loki is not allowed to kidnap Pepper, and threaten her with a chainsaw, while blackmailing Stark._

"Hello Tony" Said Loki making Tony jump and turn around quickly "What is it cat's for brain?" Said Tony irritated for being distracted "Have you seen Pepper today?" Ask Loki innocently…way to innocently for Tony's like, Tony narrowed his eyes and glared at Loki "no why?" He asked suspiciously "Well I currently have my most devoted fangirl scaring her with a chainsaw" Said Loki smirking "WHY YOU LITTLE!" Yelled Tony jumping into Loki making both men stumble to the ground.

"I wouldn't threaten me if I were you, I have the power" Said Loki smugly

"Fine what do you want Mountain Goat?" grumbled Tony what a mistake that was, "First, I want you to call me Supreme Ruler of All Realms, from now until the day I tell you to stop. You will not try to get revenge on me for anything in any way, but we can still pull pranks on each other. You will do as I say, like any loyal subject would, and you will kneel when I enter the room. You also must openly admit that I won, and am the better one at everything. Under no circumstances are you allowed to try to find any loopholes to any of these rules." Loki said taking a big gulp of air when he finished his rant he looked towards Tony to see the poor man with his eyes bulging out of their sockets and his mouth hanging open.

"…" "Well, do you accept?" urged Loki "…Fineee" Groaned Tony already regretting it, Tony watched as Loki walked out of the room but frowned when Loki walked right back in "Ahem…You're supposed to kneel you fool" Said Loki raising an eyebrow, Tony groaned and kneeled "Yes Supreme Ruler of All Realms…of stupidity" Said Tony murmuring the last part once Loki was out of ear shot, this was going to be a long month.

**A/N: NO PEPPER'S WERE HARM IN THE MAKING OF THIS CHAPPIE**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: So I will probably not survive this school year…**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, why? Because I DO WHAT I WANT…but that doesn't mean I get what I want :(**

**Warning: One word**

**This one was request by one of Loki's most dedicated follower, just ask Nick F.!**

•_Clint cannot be turned into a penguin._

It wasn't often that Loki came back with a friend…no scratch that, Loki never came home with a friend, so when he did and it was a girl it was only evident that all the Avengers would swarm him and ask question, with some poking from Tony just to make sure she was real. As everyone asked Loki how he managed to talk to someone without stabbing in them no one noticed how that girl, known as Rachel, was staring a Clint with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

Natasha was enjoy her apple sitting in the small kitchen counter after all the chaos with Loki's new friend, when she felt something peck her leg looking down she saw a penguin poking her leg urgently with his beck, raising her eyebrows she put her hand on top of his/hers head and turned it around pushing it away with her foot; Natasha turned her attention back to her apple only to be interrupted again "WENK!" Natasha looked down towards were the noise came from to see the penguin staring at her with what looked as an attempt to put his/hers flippers at it's hips "Wenk wenk wenk wenk, wenk wenk!" Natasha was pretty certain that the penguin was scolding her for pushing it away. Sadly that wasn't the weirdest thing that had ever happened to Natasha so she only shook her head and walked out leaving a pissed off looking penguin behind.

Natasha walked into the training room later that day to see the same penguin there trying to used a crossbow and arrows, after inspecting the crossbows and arrows she realized it was Clint's crossbow and arrows "Clint?!" Natasha asked to the penguin that turned around and tried to sighed relieved "who did this?" Asked Natasha "Wenk wenk." Replied Clint "…Right…LOKI" She yelled "What?" Said the Norse God appearing next to her "This!" She said picking up Clint that wenked in indignation "Oh…" Said Loki spraying Clint-the-Penguin with green dusted effectively turning him back to normal; Clint grumbled a thanks before grumbling his way out of the training room saying non-too kind words to the walls.

That night Loki took Rachel out for a friendly dinner to congratulate her on using such a complex spell succefully and on a human.


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: Aren't you proud of me? I'm updating more and more now!**

**Disclaimer: Hello…What do you think the answer is?**

**Warning: None**

•_The Avengers cannot use an army of ninja penguins_

"Avengers there's an alligator invasion in town square, get there!" Said Nick at 3am in the morning; the Avengers eventually got there after Steve had to literally drag a kicking and screaming Tony Stark out of bed.

The mission was a success and the Avengers were in every newspaper but not because they won oh no!

"Avengers...can you explain this?" Asked an eerily calm Nick Fury "Loki offered it" Said a sheepish Bruce "Pirate man you can't expect our brains to make good decisions...especially at 3am" Said Tony, "Agents just promise it won't happen again" muttered Coulson from behind a desk "Fine we promise not to attack alligators with an army of pink ninja penguins and humiliate you even further" Said Steve.

Two weeks later Nick Fury was wishing he had hair to pull at while he tried to explain why the pink ninja penguins had reappeared; four weeks later Coulson saw Nick running for his life with mire than a dozen pink ninja penguins waddling after him


	31. Chapter 31

A/N: I'm an awful person! So sorry

Disclaimer: After all the wait I don't even deserve to own it

Warning: None

•**Tony cannot set Steve in blind dates**

"Come on Capsicle, don't you trust me?" Asked Tony to a groaning Steve "Not with this kind of stuff I don't" "Oh come on what could possible go wrong?!" Steve shot Tony a look and decided to walk away only to feel a...claw? Close around his ankle, he looked down to see Dum-E grabbing his ankle as an attempt to make him stay "I'll do it IF you get Dum-E away from me!" Oh dear.

Steve stalked his way into the small pub ready to meet his date that Tony had set him up with, he had a bad feeling in his stomach that told him that he should've never agreed to let Tony set him in a blind date. He sat at table 13 like Tony had instructed and waited, not five seconds later did Nick Fury arrived and started towards table 13 only to do a double take when he saw Steve sitting there "Agent Rodgers..." Said Nick "Hello sir what are you doing here?" "Tony...convinced me to...go on a blind date..." Said Nick feeling rather uncomfortable "THAT SON OF A GUN!" Yelled Steve storming out.

"TONY" Yelled Steve searching for him in the lab, a dark lab since Tony had disabled the lights "I KNOW YOU'RE HERE I SAW YOU RUN IN HERE!" silence "Tony, I will find you and you will pay" Said Steve calmly before storming out of the lab. Tony got out from underneath the table and breathed out in relieve he decided to analyze the situation, he had played a small prank on Steve and Nick, Steve didn't like it, Steve was looking for to most likely strangle him, Steve the super-soldier with super-strength..."worth it" said Tony with a smirk.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Well dear readers the last chapter I posted is the last 'Rules Chapter' WAIT before you say no and for me to continue (which I hope you want me to) that doesn't mean its the end of the fic, I will continue this fanfic but only with funny situations not rules!**

Disclaimer: Umm Amm pickles! I do not own pickles!

Warnings: None

Steve was peacefully strolling about in the park enjoying his few moments of solitude, when he spotted Tony Stark at the other side of the park, Steve was torn between hiding from the insufferable billionaire genius or going to say hi to him, because they were after all friends. However Steve forgot those thoughts as he saw Tony waving his arms in the air and moving his mouth as if talking to someone even though there wasn't anyone near Tony, Steve observed the strange sight his eyes bulging a bit when Tony started moving still talking to the invisible person and failed to notice the huge pine tree, crashing right into it; Steve rushed over to help the (lunatic) Tony up. He stopped short when he saw Tony still on the ground and still talking to no one "Stark, to who are you talking?!" "Steve? Oh hi, and to Pepper" Replied Tony glancing up "Um Tony?" "Yeah?" "She's not here..." Said Steve carefully "I know" "So how are you talking to her?" Steve wondered, Tony turned his head around demonstrating a small black thing attached to his ear "Through this its a headset...it allows me talk without having my phone out" Added Tony seeing Steve's look of confusion "Ah...well you're not as crazy as I thought" Said Steve walking away "Yeah...hey! What do you mean AS crazy?!" Yelled Tony at Steve's retreating back.


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Okay so fine I won't stop writing rules but I won't ONLY write rules deal?**

Disclaimer: I own a cuddly cat named Tiger and I own the Avengers...alright Marvel owns the Avengers...and truth to be told Tiger isn't mine either...

Warning: None

_•Loki cannot be near hot beverages_

It was a cold December when Tony surprisingly decided to offer Loki some hot chocolate, Tony later on blaming it on alcohol (which everyone believed because it was Tony) walked to Loki's room with a mug of hot chocolate "Hey Loki made you some hot chocolate" Loki let out a shriek and tossed his pillow hitting Tony, causing the hot chocolate to spill all over Tony.

Clint was absently reading the newspaper when he saw Tony walk in a horrible grimace upon his face "what happened to you?" asked Clint "Loki the terminator of hot chocolate happened..." muttered Tony walking away.

Loki was happily meditating in the living room when he smelled a sweet warm aroma he opened his eyes to see Tony Stark with a mug of hot chocolate going near him, Loki jumped up and backed away eyeing a now smirking Tony "What do you want Stark?" "To offer you some chocolate" Said Tony in a too innocent voice coming closer. Loki fast walked out of the room trying to find somewhere safe to hide, deciding to swallow his pride he went to Thor's room as he knew the God would help him, "Loki? What are you doing here?" Asked Thor rather surprised that Loki had went into his room; Thor got his answer as Tony barged into the room laughing like a madman holding a steaming mug "Tony..." growled Thor immediately understanding the problem at hand, Tony not noticing Thor walked over to the cowering Loki "TONY STARK" Yelled Thor stopping Tony in his tracks.

Natasha and Clint both observing from the air vents wished they had Thor's power to make Tony listen and do as told something that even Steve couldn't quite succeed at. Meanwhile Tony decided to let his rebellious streak take over threw the mug at Loki with the contents splashing all over the yelling God of Mischief and unluckily Thor also, Tony stopped laughing as soon as he noticed the glares they were sending his way "Hey guys we're cool right? It was a fake! It wasn't even hot it was cold...guys?" stammered Tony as Thor and Loki advanced on him.

Steve and Bruce were playing a calm game of chess minding there own business when Tony jumped over the table with the chess game Thor running right behind him hammer at hand accidentally making some of the pieces fall "GUYS!" yelled Steve after them went some pieces hit his face, he looked back at the game to see the table missing as Loki blew it away from his path to run behind Thor, Steve worriedly glanced over at Bruce to see him holding a queen in his mouth "I was winning" mumbled Bruce in a sad tone of voice.


	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: Not me**

**Warning: None**

"Tony Stark I challenge you to a Mead-Pong game!" Oh dear.

Thor had challenged Tony to a Mead-Pong challenge, with MEAD the alcohols for GODS not HUMANS, but of course Tony said yes.

"And so I told him that he could get lost!" Yelled Tony "Tony stop talking to the wall" Said Bruce barely glancing up at Tony who was still facing the wall blabbering away while Thor laughed away in the couch.

"Hey Bruce I was wondering-" Started Natasha but got interrupted by a loud thump of something hitting the ground, Bruce and Natasha turned to see Tony, laying in the ground "Just did a gravity check...YOU ARE WELCOME!" Yelled Tony at poor Bruce "Thor? Never again" Said Natasha in a voice that let no room for debate as Tony inched towards her with scissors.


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: So it's early morning and this popped into my brain...I have issues don't I? In another note, I freaking love Deadpool :3**

**Disclaimer: If I owned this Deadpool would be real and my best buddy!**

**Warning: Language, reference...Deadpool (yeah he should be in the warning space)**

"Check it out, same design but now the Arch Reactor works better and is less bright" Beamed Tony walking into the kitchen "Can I touch it?" piped up a curious voice next to Tony; Tony glanced over to see the Merc-with-a-mouth half crouching to be at eye level with the Arch "can I lick it?!" proceeded to ask Deadpool not even bothering to wait for the answer to his previous question.

"CAN I FUCK IT?!" Exclaimed Wade (Deadpool) with what seemed to be a look of curiosity and joy behind the mask. For the first time in history Tony Stark did not know what to say.


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: I'm so sorry! I wrote this about to weeks ago and forgot to post it ;_; I'm a mean person I know.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own MARVEL don't sue me!**

**Warnings: None**

"YOU HEARD ME" "ALL I HEARD WAS A WINY LITTLE GIRL"

Steve woke up with a start hearing yelling coming from the kitchen, he glanced over to his clock to see it was only 4am. Assuming something bad had happened Steve made his way to the kitchen hoping that whatever it was wasn't serious. Sadly Steve was right, when he walked in he saw a Tony Stark covered from head to toe in flour and a Loki with eggs on his hair and face screaming at each other "WHAT HAPPENED?!" Yelled Steve

"HE ATE MY MIDNIGHT SNACK!" yelled Tony whilst pointing at Loki who frowned at the offensive finger "perhaps I did but that was no reason to throw AN EGG at me!" retorted the Norse God, Steve pinched the bridge of his nose "Alright Tony go over there and Loki you go over there" said Steve while pointing at two different corners, he stared at Tony until the billionaire made his way over to the corner, Steve then stared at Loki until he also made his way to the corner. Steve closed his eyes and let out a big sigh of relief, when he opened them again he saw Loki glaring at something behind him, turning around Steve almost bumped into Tony who had moved from his corner and was sticking his tongue out at Loki

"GET BACK IN YOUR CORNER!"


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Hiya! I'm sorry :( and you're all probably used to my sorry A/N by now right?**

**Disclaimer: If I own the Avengers I would brag about it 24/7 but I don't so I can't...**

**Warning: None**

"BINGO" Exclaimed a voice "WHAT?! No way we just got here!" argued Tony walking towards Clint,

"maybe but I already have, Lady in pajamas, Guy with an eyepatch, Homeless dude pretending to be a greeter, Little boy without shoes, and Woman eating a banana peel" Stated Clint.

"But um Tony?..." "Yeah?"

"Well you see I kind-of climbed on top of the shelves to have a birds view of the place...and..." "and what?" asked Tony impatiently "I kind-of got caught" Said Clint.

Tony finally looked up from his paper to stared at Clint who was being grabbed by the arm by a security guy "YOU STUPID LITTLE TWEETY BIRD!"

The security guard who was clearly not amused grabbed Tony by the arm and started dragging both men towards the exit "Walmart Bingo is NOT allowed...or a game!" He said while giving them a firm shove out the door.

Clint and Tony muttered about killjoys security people while walking away "Bye have a good day, thank you for coming!" yelled Homeless dude pretending to be a greeter whilst waving at the superheroes retreading backs.


	38. Chapter 38

A/N:** Omygosh! Did she just uploaded?! Why yes, yes I did.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it**

**Warning: none**

Pepper walked down the hallway trying desperatly to hide the bag of cookies, she just had to make it outside and order a cab and she would be safe; no one would be able to touch her. She sneaked over to the elevator discreetly hiding the bag inside her jacket.

The elevator pinged open and she stepped inside "Hey Pep" said Tony from the inside of the elevator, 'so close' Pepper thought "Hi Tony" she replyed anyways smiling at him.

"Hold the door!" Yelled Clint running towards them, Tony pushed the 'open' button successfully stopping the doors from closing and Clint stepped into the elevator "thanks, hey guys" said Clint smiling at them "hi Clint" smiled Pepper while Tony grunted his reply. Pepper tried to move discretly towards the wall but failed as the bag of cookies touched the wall, the plastic bag made a scrunching noise against the wall attracting the attention both men towards her.

"Pepper?"

"Yes Tony" Said Pepper trying to feign innocence

"Watcha got there?" Questioned Clint arching an eyebrow upwards

"Me? I- nothing!"

"Don't lie to us!" Said Tony making a move towards Pepper's jacket "alright alright! It's cookies" she snapped taking the bag out, "Hey Peps caring is sharing" hinted Tony wiggling his eyebrows.

"No, okay these are for my mother!" She said signaling towards the bag that she held at safe distance from Tony and Clint "Pepper..." Said Clint approaching her and placing his hands on her shoulders "...I'm you mother!" He exclaimed, "No I am!" replyed Tony. Pepper changed her 'are you serious' look from Clint to Tony.

"Okay Tony? A, that's disgusting because you're my boyfriend and B, this goes to both of you, you are both _man_!" She said looking gratefully towards the elevator doors as they open "well this is my floor, see you guys later!" And with that Pepper ran out "THREE HOURS OF LABOR FOR THIS?!" Yelled Clint after her "YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED MISSY!" Joined in Tony.

Pepper ignored them both and ran out to the street calling a cab as soon as her foot hit the pavement, Tony and Clint both pouted and finally noticed Steve staring at them "I'll take the stair..." Said a reddening Steve as he suffled awkwardly towards the stair door.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: Okay so I tried my best, this request was a bit of a tough one ;) but I like a challenge!**

Disclaimer: . . mshh I don't like this part but I DON'T OWN IT NONE OF IT!

Warning: None

Tony Stark whistled his way up to the Avengers common room, he stopped short once he took in the state of the room. A maze. There was a maze instead of the room.

"What the…?" Said Tony as he stepped in but regretted immediately as the maze closed behind him.

"Tony!"

Tony Stark turned around when he heard his name being called to see the rest of the Avengers standing there looking mad and confused "I swear it wasn't me" Said Tony immediately, "Oh no it wasn't! It was me" Said Loki's voice from the ceiling

"What are you playing at brother?" Asked Thor "Me? I'm not playing, you all are because this is THE HUNGER GAMES!" Said Loki yelling out the last part.  
"Alright who let him read those books?" Asked Clint glaring at everyone.  
"Loki we are a team, we will not kill each other, there is not 'I' in team" Said Steve trying to calm the situation. The silence that followed could only mean Loki was thinking about it, the Avengers started feeling hopeful until "There is however an 'M' and an 'E'…as in me" Replied Loki.

"He has a good point.." Commented Tony "Tony…no!" Warned Natasha, but sadly her warning fell onto deaf ears as Tony started poking and pushing Bruce.  
And two minutes later… "HULK SMASH".

"Coulson, this is Maria Hill…umm we need to rebuild the Avengers' common room, it got destroyed by the Hulk in a Hunger Games arena…yeah call me back when you can. Bye"

Coulson moaned in frustration when he heard his voicemail, he could have been a teacher! But no, he decided he wanted to help the world.


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: Oh ho ho what's this? THE FONDUE CHAPTER! Finally, please tell me if it was okay!**

**Disclaimer: Guys please stop this torture**

**Warning: Bad references of the word Fondue**

"Yo Steve let's fondue!" Suggested Tony to Steve who's face quickly redden "I…w-what?" Steve stammered looking at Tony, "Oh come on! It's the best thing on Earth" Replied the Billionaire pulling Steve up "I'm pretty sure it already existed in your time so don't act so confused!" Continued Tony.

"Tony I-I really don't want to, stop it Tony!" Said Steve as he was being dragged towards the elevator "Oh come on Capsicle don't be such a buzz kill" Retorted Tony.

"TONY NO MEANS NO!" Shrieked Steve pulling away

"Alright, alright what's so bad about fondue anyways?" Asked Tony

"Well we're friends and you should first ask the person out on a date…and well I just met you and-" Steve was in full rant mode when Tony interrupted him "What on Earth are you talking about?"

"You know fondue…_fondue? _When two people get together and you _know?_" Tried to explain Steve

Tony blinked, his shoulders started shaking and pretty soon he was hanging on to the wall for support "I was talking about the food! And you say that _I_ have a dirty mind!" Steve's face went from red to white "I…SHUT UP TONY" "Omigosh you though…that me…and you…and your face…" Tony could barely talk due to the fact that he was laughing to hard which of course only aggravated Steve more.

Steve finally deciding he had enough he walked away towards his room crossing paths with Clint "Hey Steve I was just about to ask you-" "NO I DON'T WANT FONDUE, NOT THE FOOD AND NOT THE OTHER KIND!" Snapped Steve walking into his room and closing the door "-if you had a pencil, but I guess not…" Finished Clint.


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: I don't own it!**

**Warning: Swear word**

"What's that in the sky?" asked Tony

"Is it a plane? Is it a bird?" Replied Bruce

"Why yes it is a bird, but what kind of bird?" Continued Tony

"Is it a hawk?" Wondered Bruce

"Why yes it is, it´s our dear Hawkeye falling from the ledge!" Said Tony with a laugh

Clint Barton had been training how to walk on a ledge high in the air when Tony and Bruce entered into the training room talking loudly, effectively yet unintentionally scaring poor Clint and making him fall into the safety net; however, that didn't stop Tony and Bruce from making fun of the situation.

Clint pulled himself up from the safety net and started sulking his way out of the training room passing by Tony and Bruce.

"Hawkeye to the rescue!" Yelled Tony

"He's the fastest bird alive" Laughed Bruce

"Caw caw motherfuckers" Mumbled Clint when he passed by them.


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: This chapter is created thanks to needstostudy, tell me what you thought! If you didn't like it I'll re-do it :) **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel**

**Warnings: None**

Clint woke up in the morning feeling odd, he realize that for once the bed he was currently lying on wasn't his bed, this bed was much softer. Clint sat up and rubbed his head, he had really bad bed-hair. It took Clint a total of three minutes to realize his hair didn't reach his shoulder yesterday yet today they did, he stood up quickly to look in the mirror but all he saw was Natasha's face staring at him.

"Psst! Clint, let me in" Said a hushed voice from outside. Clint opened his door to see none other than himself.

"What the hell?" He wondered

"Barton it's me, Natasha…something happened" Replied Clint-who-is-actually-Natasha  
"So I'm stuck in your body?" Asked Clint

"Yeah…Your bed is really uncomfortable by the way"  
"Yeah, yeah excuse me while I go take a shower" Said Clint with a coy smile edging onto his face.

"Clint Barton don't you dare…"

**OoOoOoOo In The Kitchen Of The Avengers OoOoOoOo**

Bruce entered the kitchen and looked at everyone with a weird look on his face.

"What's wrong Bruce?" Asked Steve

"Well, Natasha is trying to take a shower but Clint won't let her, also Clint is threatening to get a vasectomy if Natasha steps into a bathroom…" Ranted Bruce, making the rest of the Avenger stare at him then towards the hallway that let to Natasha's room. Coulson cheerfully entered the kitchen and smiled at everyone, he couldn't help but notice how the Avengers appeared to look very disturbed.

"What's wro- NEVERMIND!" Said Coulson quickly changing his mind, if he didn't know it never happened and his morning could go on peacefully.


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: This chapter is created thanks to .4once, tell me how I did! If you didn't like it I can re-do it :) **

**Disclaimer: Me no speaki English…You didn't buy that one did you, fine I don't own Marvel.**

**Warning: None**

Steve opened the cupboard underneath the sink to see if he found any toothpaste, instead he found some…tampons…

"TONY!"

Tony Stark was enjoying the few moments of peach he got when he heard Steve shouting his name, with a sigh Tony got up to and went to find Steve who was in Natasha's bathroom and was as red as a tomato.

"What are you doing in here!" Whispered shouted Tony

"I was looking for toothpaste and…" Steve couldn't continue but luckily Tony saw what Steve was most desperately trying to avoid looking at.

"You found her tampons?"  
"Yesss…" Steve replied his face getting redder by the second. Tony laughed and grabbed the back of tampons.

"Here I'll just hide them in her shower for now alright, you keep looking for that toothpaste" Said Tony whilst he hid the tampons, "See you later buddy" he said walking out of the bathroom.

**OoOoOoOoO Later oOoOoOoOoOo**

Natasha entered he bathroom and opened the cupboard, she looked and search through it but couldn't find anything.

"JARVIS, do you know what happened to my tampons?" She asked glancing up at the ceiling.

"Mr. Rodgers and Mr. Stark hid them in you shower Miss. Romanoff" Came the reply

'Oh did they now?' She thought while raising an eyebrow.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

Steve whistled as he entered his room but stopped short when he saw the inside of it, pads everywhere, they were stuck on his wall on his bed on his floor on his night table.

"Tony!" Squeaked the brave Captain America.


	44. Chapter 44

**Disclaimer: Almost forget this ^.^ I don't own it**

**Warning: None.**

Thor was curious as to what the blue little machine did; it was a small plastic thing with a screen that had, connected to it, some plastic wires that Thor had seen Tony put in his ears. Thor took the small round things that were attached to the wires and placed them in his ears, he picked up the blue plastic and press the circle where the arrow was. 'THUNDERSTRUCK!'

The song Thunderstruck by AC/DC started on full volume blasting into Thor's ears.

**OoOoOoOoOoOo**

Tony was working on some new blueprints for his suit down in his lab when he heard a deafening coming from upstairs, quickly he raced up to stairs to find Thor kneeling on the ground with his hammer having apparently destroyed the floor.

"Thor what-?" Asked Tony

"Do not fret, friend Stark, for I have defeated the small device that attempted to deafen me!" Boomed Thor obviously proud of his success.

"...ah..." Muttered Tony.


	45. Chapter 45

**Disclaimer: I believe that everyone knows that I don't own Marvel**

**Warning: none**

Tony was in a S.H.I.E.L.D meeting, the first half hour he spend it doodling; he then stopped when Cap's disapproving glares got too annoying, the rest of the meeting he spend it sleeping.

"STARK" Yelled Fury when he noticed that the billionaire was sleeping instead of listening, "present?" Came the mumbled reply from Stark,

"Tell me Stark why are you sleeping during my meeting?" Asked Fury

"It's just that your voice is so sweet, that it lulled me to sleep pirate man" Replied Tony with a cheeky grin

"Then why aren't the others sleeping?" Asked Fury

"They weren't listening to you"

Tony:1 Fury:0


	46. Chapter 46

**Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. Marvel.**

**Warning: None**

Two hours had passed in the meeting, in those two hours Tony had doodle various drawings, slept a bit, and counted 3,567 dots in the ceiling.

"Tony...Tony...TONY!" Yelled Fury startling Tony, "What?" Said Tony calming down.

"You weren't listening to me..." Said Fury narrowing his eye

"Au contraire, I was listening; I just didn't care" Replied Tony.

Fury's eye twitched.

Tony:2 Fury:0


	47. Chapter 47

**Disclaimer: Iiiii doooo notttt ownnn theeeee avengersssss**

**Warnings: None**

Fury had it with Tony, it was time to even the score a little.

"Tony you are on duty F-4" Said Fury, Tony glanced over and asked "What's F-4?"

Fury smirked a little but hid it instantly "It's a bit like an A-7" He replied with a neutral tone. Tony frowned "What's an A-7?"

Fury was now happy, his plan had gone the way he wanted it to, as always of course "It's like a F-4" Replied Fury.

"Okay but I don't know what that is..." Repeated Tony once more;

"You would know if you cared" Said Fury mocking Tony's earlier words "Get to it Stark" Said Fury walking out.

Tony: 2 Fury: 1


	48. Chapter 48

**A/N: Hey guys bad news from the 21(tomorrow) until the 25 (Thursday) I won't be able to post anything so here's a goodbye chapter **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Nothing I tell you!**

Warning: None

"I have done it! Friend Stark I have come up with a new formula!" Announced Thor, Tony glanced up from his table to look at Thor's beaming face "What does your formula do?" Asked Tony. Thor's smile increased "It is something that will quench the thirst that one cup of water simply won't!"

Now Tony was interested, could Thor have really come up with something like that? "What is it buddy?" Asked Tony excitedly

"Two cups of water!" Answered Thor

"…" Tony was not amused.


	49. Chapter 49

**A/N: I'M BACK!**

**Disclaimer: After a long talk with myself I have finally come to terms that I don't own the Avengers...**

**Warnings: None**

The meeting was taking longer than it was meant to due to Tony and Fury's need to win, but finally it seemed that Fury was tired and wanted to head home "Well after all this talking I assume everyone is done?" Asked Fury; Steve sighed in relief, he was finally going to be able to go home "And after all that whining I'm assuming that you're still single?" Ask Tony with a cocky grin. Clint pulled out a pillow, it was going to be a very long meeting indeed.

Tony: 3 Fury: 1


	50. Chapter 50

**A/N: Request chapter ^.^ **

**Guys I've been meaning to do this for awhile but kept forgetting, thank you so much for all the reviews! *hearts***

**Disclaimer: I think we both get the point by now..**

**Warning: None really aside from the mention of Mother Nature (in case someone doesn't like to read that stuff)**

**A/N: we're back to Clint and Nat's body-swap.**

Clint was not having it, being a woman was harder than what he thought and the cramps really were deadly...whoever made him switch in Natasha's body picked the wrong time of the month to do it. He limped towards the bathroom to find Natasha's woman stash. He found a sort of tube. He has no idea what that does.

Clint walked to his room trying to find Natasha (who currently looked like him) "Ah Nat there you are, can I ask you a question?" Said Clint once he localized her, "You just did" replied Natasha "Can I ask you another one?" Retorted Clint "You just did again!" Smirked Natasha. Clint narrowed his eyes "You're ugly" came his childish reply, "Guess that's one thing we have in common" Replied Natasha standing up from the couch, Clint had enough he had cramps and now a headache "Just teach me how to put a damn tampon on woman!" He half yelled, Natasha 'tsk' "Oh Clint haven't you looked at me? I am a man now! It's no longer my problem!" Clint's eye twitched, he was going to kill whoever was responsible for this; but Natasha was rather happy, she got to avoid Mother Nature without getting pregnant or taking a pill.

Bruce walked past the living room where screaming was taking place, to the kitchen. Once he arrived there he looked at each Avenger present in the eye and spoke "Why is Natasha yelling at Clint to teach her how to use a tampon?"


	51. Chapter 51

**A/N: Okay guys 244 reviews? I don't even know how to thank you all, you have all been so kind and supporting I've had no flames at all and I find that impressive and want to thank you all, you've helped by telling me if I made a mistake and I'm very thankful and you've brighten my days with your reviews. I wish I could thank each and every single one of you but since that's a bit hard I'll thank you guys with writing in this fic until my brain burns out deal?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it so kiss it!**

**Warning: Bad language and references**

Thor had come to back to Earth after a recent visit to Asgard, he brought mead as a present to the Avengers. So all the Avengers including Loki and surprisingly Fury were gather in the Avenger's tower common room drunk off their heads.

"Okay, how would you ask someone to sit on your face?" Asked Tony, the answers were as followed:

"Upon my request, may thou reside thine hindquarters atop thy face?" Said Thor.

"Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my face, so sit on it maybe?" Hiccuped Bruce.

"50 Shades of sit on my face!" Said Tony with his trademark smirk.

"Sit on my motherfucking face" Said Fury.

"...Earphones" Muttered Steve looking into his cup as if he regretted something.

"This team needs another girl" Said Natasha stepping out of the room.

"One time my brother sat on my face...I bit him" Giggled Clint, his giggle turning later into an uncontrollable laugh.

"No one sits upon my face! I sit on theirs so they can kiss my posterior!" Announced proudly Loki.


	52. Chapter 52

**Disclaimer: Still?!**

**Warning: None**

"Pepper..." Tony began with a sad tone "tomorrow something horrible is going to happen, something life changing and I need you to be there for me and support me", Pepper looked up from her stack of papers "What is it?" She asked moving towards him to hug him "My...my X-box live runs out!" He said with a dramatic sob, Pepper was not amused "...Idiot..."


	53. Chapter 53

**A/N: I'm sorry my updates are taking so long, it's just not that easy to think of funny scenarios all the time.**

**Disclaimer: I. Don't. Own. It.**

Warning: None

Natasha was on a break from work, she was relaxing in her hotel room when she hear something hitting her window several times her assassin instincts kicked in and silently she walked over to the window with lightning speed she opened it and looked out. It was Clint, he apparently got lonely and decided to pay Natasha a visit but since the hotel clerk was sleeping he hadn't been able to get in the hotel and opted for throwing rocks at Natasha's window hoping to get her attention. Natasha massaged her temples Clint could be a serious man when on a mission but in everyday live the man was an idiot "Barton! You have a phone use it!" Called Natasha from her window before closing it and walking back to her bed; several minutes later she heard a crashing sound and her window shattering she rushed over to see that the window did break and Clint's phone lying in the ground between the shattered glass, Natasha raised an eyebrow "Are you kidding me?" She asked herself.


	54. Chapter 54

**A/N: Oh dear, here we go….**

Disclaimer: You are a seer, you can predict what I'm going to say! But in case you can't: I do not own the Avengers!

Warning: Suggestive phrases

"Pickup lines!" Announced Tony walking into the living room where all the male Avengers where at, "Beg your pardon?" Said Steve raising both eyebrows at the billionaire, Tony sighed "Pickup lines, what you use to make girls want you Capsicle" now it was Bruce's turn to raise his eyebrows "What about them?" He asked cautiously, because you never know what to expect with Tony Stark. Tony eyed each of them, Clint's face was curious, Thor's was attentive, Bruce's neutral, and Steve's was worried "I want to hear the trademark catchphrase that you use the one that never or almost never fail!" He asked simply. Clint smirked and said "I always hit the bull's-eyes…ifyouknowwhatimean" Surprisingly Bruce spoke next "They don't call me incredible for nothing" He said with his tiny smile plastered on his face "I'll make sure that you are 'Thor in the morning'" Said Thor with that cocky smile that could rival Tony's, Steve sighed, he might as well join in "Are you from the 1940s? Because I'd really love to have a future with you." He said blushing a bit. Tony nodded his approval at them "What's your pickup line Tony?" Asked Clint, Tony had been waiting for that question "My pickup line is" He said posing for dramatic effect "Hi, I'm Tony Stark" He finished with a proud grin. Several pillows coming from the direction of Bruce, Clint, Steve, and Thor were tossed his way.


	55. Chapter 55

**A/N: Well I received a very powerful threat to update this... **

**Disclaimer: No, it's not mine**

**Warning: None**

His door slammed open; Bruce cracked an eye to look at his alarm clock, it was 1:34am. Bruce was quick to get comfortable on his bed again and ignore whoever was at his door it was simply to early in the morning for that.

"Psssst" Said a voice from the door

Bruce ignored it.

"Psssst!" There it went again and once more Bruce played deaf

"PSSSSSSST!" The voice just wouldn't give up, but neither would Bruce.

Sadly for Bruce the voice came with a body, said body decided to try a new tactic and started jumping on Bruce's bed.

"WHAT?" Yelled Bruce quickly trying to calm himself.

"I can't sleep..." Said the voice.

Bruce took three deep breaths, turned on his lamp, and put on his glasses to face whoever was standing on his bed. In front of him stood the one and only Tony Stark.

"Not even surprised" muttered Bruce.

Shortly after Bruce found himself in the kitchen making hot chocolate for the billionaire.

"Why don't you just try counting sheep to fall asleep?" Wondered Bruce

"Well I wish I could sleep but my stupid ADHD kicks in and well, one sheep two sheep, cow, pig, duck, tractor, engine, cog, heeeey Macarena" Said Tony leaning against the wall

"How do you go from cog to Macarena?" Said Bruce

"Some things should not be mentioned Brucey" Came the reply

"...ookay...well hey while you're here and wide awake I'll start telling you about my day the other day well it started out..." Bruce rambled on about his day until he noticed that the egocentric man was being unusually quiet.

"Tony?" Said Bruce turning around to face him.

Tony had finally fallen asleep against the wall, and all it took was Bruce talking.

"Well then..." Said Bruce as he moved about in the kitchen putting salt into every single one of Stark's coffee mugs and coffee machines.

Leaving the billionaire in his spot in the kitchen, Bruce walked back to his room a small smile playing on his lips. That day he woke up to the sound of Tony vomiting in the bathroom yelling about how coffee had failed him. It was a very good day.


	56. Chapter 56

**A/N: This was a request by a lovely person! Hope you enjoy it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own because life is unfair.**

**Warning: Inappropriate talk. **

"Oh really?" Asked Bruce, sitting on the sofa having a nice conversation with the God of Mischief "Yes I was considered to be the biggest slut in all the nine realms" Replied Loki.

"Hahaha, don't make me laugh!" Said Tony standing by door with his usual glass of scotch at hand. "Beg you pardon?" Said Loki narrowing his eyes at the playboy "Well you said you were the biggest slut in all nine realms, LIAR, that's me!" Retorted Tony.

"Oh gee I wonder why this gives me a bad feeling…" Asked Bruce sarcastically, getting ready to leave when things got heated.

"Alright let's name the people we have been with to see who is indeed the biggest slut!" Proposed Loki. "Seriously?" Asked Bruce only to be ignored.

"Mari" Said Tony

"Sygn" Said Loki

"Julia!" Replied Tony

"Amora!" Retored Loki

"Pepper!" Shouted Tony

"Svadilfari!" Screamed Loki

"…What?" Asked Tony getting caught off guard by a such a weird name. "A stallion that fathered my kid" Replied Loki in a calmed neutral tone "Oh..wait what?!" Exclaimed Tony, "Just like it sounds Stark" replied Loki.

"I don't want to play anymore" Said a pale-faced Tony.


	57. Chapter 57

**A/N: Hi! Don't hate me!**

**Disclaimer: I'm not rich so I don't own it**

**Warnings: None**

Coulson walked into Fury's office to give him his coffee like he does every morning, unfortunately, Fury seemed to be in a bad mood. "Here you are sir, a nice hot cup of coffee" Said Coulson with a smile as he handed Fury the coffee, "It's cold" Pointed out Fury. "A nice cup of coffee sir…" Replied Coulson, "The cup is ugly" Deadpanned Fury. Coulson sighed "A cup of coffee sir" He retorted. Fury took a sip of the coffee "I'm not even sure this is coffee" Fury informed Coulson; Coulson sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose "A _cup_ sir" Said Coulson walking out. Now two people are in a bad mood.


	58. Chapter 58

**A/N: Alright guys, sad announcement time, I will have to end this story. Initially I wanted to end it at 100 chapters but the ideas aren't flowing as easily as before and neither is the time; so sadly this will be the last chapter. Sorry and love you guys, thanks for your support.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it**

**Warnings: None**

Agent Coulson walked into the Avengers Mansion after an unusual good day "Ah, good afternoon Thor" Phil said after he saw the demi-god "GOOD AFTERNOON" Thor replied. Coulson frowned "Why are you shouting at me?" He asked "I AM NOT SHOUTING" Thor replied, "Yes you are!" Exclaimed Coulson.

It was Thor's turn to frown "ARE YOU NOW SHOUTING AT ME?!"

"I am not shouting! Just merely stating that you were!" Coulson exclaimed; Thor pointed a finger in Coulson's direction "AHA! YOU ARE SHOUTING AT ME!" And so began the screaming match.

Bruce hummed as he walked up the stairs to the common room; however, his humming was short-lived as he heard some rather loud screaming coming from the common room. Mentally preparing himself; Bruce opened the door to find Coulson and Thor shouting at each other "Um...hello?" Said Bruce "FREAKING HI AND YES WE ARE SHOUTING AT YOU!" Replied both Coulson and Thor before storming off in opposite directions. Bruce blinked, "What did I do?" He asked.

That evening as Tony watched the surveillance tape of Coulson and Thor, he couldn't help but to feel like he was watching himself speaking with his parents when he was little, because let's face it; most parents are like that.


	59. Chapter 59

**A/N: GUESS WHO'S BACK! ME! Well I was re-reading what I had written and I missed writing this so I will make this to 100 chapters but the updates will be spaced due to school and lack of inspiration, sorry in advanced.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the epicness of Marvel.**

**Warnings: None**

Tony was trying to eat a peanut, expect he couldn't open it and after several tries he threw the peanut to the ground with a desperate shout just as Bruce walked in; "PEANUT" Yelled Bruce throwing himself at the ground to grab the peanut. Tony blinked twice trying to process what he just witness "Oookay..." He said while edging towards the door.


	60. Chapter 60

**A/N: Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: No I don't own it!**

Warnings: None

The couch was destroyed, the floor was scratched and dirty, the lamps were on the ground, and Tony was staring speechless and wide-eyed at the scene.

"What the...JARVIS, what happened?" Finally asked Tony

"It seems that Thor, as a puppy destroyed your living room sir." Replied JARVIS

Tony didn't seem to fully register what JARVIS said "Oh okay...wait WHAT?!" Well, now he did. On cue a blonde lap with a red cape sauntered into the living room holding an arm of Tony's Ironman suit; Tony's eye twitched "THOOOR!"

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO**

Bruce walked into the kitchen where the rest of the Avengers were "Guys...why is Tony hunting down a dog with a water gun?" He asked only to receive puzzled looks in reply. Meanwhile Loki was dying of laughter in the rooftops as he watched Tony pursuing Thor (who was still under the spell of being a dog) around the streets of New York; "I say it's time to call the press" announced Loki with an evil smirk.

The next morning Coulson made sure that no newspaper got to Fury since the front page was of Tony chasing a dog with a water gun.


	61. Chapter 61

**A/N: So I'm juggling three fics plus work plus social life…who am I kidding my social life is non-existent.**

**Disclaimer: No I do not own this!**

Warnings: None

"Guys we have a problem…" Said Bruce peeking his head into the living room where the rest of the Avengers were.

"What is it buddy?" I asked Tony as he took a sip from his whiskey.  
"I um…turned Loki into a teenagers" Muttered Bruce. Tony spit his whiskey out into Clint's face.

"Stark was that really necessary?" Asked Clint in a strained voice as he wiped his face "No but it was fun" Came Stark's arrogant reply.

"Friend Banner, are you telling me I have to re-live the nightmare that was Loki's teenage hood?" Asked Thor whilst Clint strangled Tony.

"Sorry Thor but it seems so" Said an apologetically Bruce.

"I DEMAND MY PUDDING BEFORE I HAVE A MELTDOWN!" Screamed a voice down the hallway. All of the Avengers looked up.

"Clint and I have to file a report on Budapest!" Said Natasha as she hurried out the tower with Clint right behind her. "That was years ago!"Exclaimed Tony, "They always use that excuse…" Remarked Bruce "Well I should get going just in case…so I don't turn into the Hulk" Added Bruce as he inched towards the door "Oh let me escort you out" Offered Steve as he joined Bruce.

"Well Thor it looks like it's just you and me…right?" Asked Tony, now starting to worry "I should visit my parents…in Asgard…" Said Thor as he ran out and disappeared.

"I HOPE SOMETHING EATS YOU ALL!" Screamed Tony.

"I hope something eats you…" Sneered a voice from the door, Tony's eye twitched as he saw Loki in all his arrogance standing before him.

**OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo**

That night Coulson got very happy as he saw a huge box waiting for him at his house "Oooh a present!" He smiled. Rushing over he opened, anxious to see what was inside "…..Loki?!" He exclaimed as he saw the God of Mischief tied up and gagged inside the box "This is an awful present." He stated as he ignored Loki's scowl.


	62. Chapter 62

**A/N: I AM BACK! I've missed you all!**

Disclaimer: Do not own this magic.

Warnings: Bad pirate jokes.

Tony Stark walked into Fury's office this morning; the following suit of events took place:

"Hey pirate man! Have you heard about the new pirate movie?" Asked Tony. Fury glanced up from his paperwork "...No." He replied. Tony smiled "Its rated AAAARRRR! Because of all the booty!" Fury's eye twitched "Out of my office NOW!"

Finally having finished his morning paperwork, Fury decided to go and get some coffee to help him keep awake; however, he felt his coffee break turn into a horrible time as he saw Stark waiting in the small kitchen; "Hey Fury! How did the pirate stop smoking? ...Give up? Well…He used the patch! Get it?" Tony had to duck in order to avoid the mug of coffee that came flying towards him, but to Fury's displeasure, Tony's grin never faltered.

Fury was once more working in his office when someone knocked his door. "Who's there?" He asked gruffly "Interrupting pirate!" Replied Stark's obnoxious voice. Fury rubbed his temples "Stark you are interrupt-" "ARRRRRRR!" Tony's voice cut him off.

"Hey Fury, why are pirates called pirates?" Asked Tony when Fury walked out from his office. "I do not care!" Snapped Fury; "I can tell you why." Replied Tony, ignoring Fury's anger. "Then do tell." Came the sarcastic reply from Fury "They just aRRRRRR!"  
It was that night that Fury, losing all control, strangled Tony.


	63. Chapter 63

**A/N: Is it really two chapters in one day?! Yes..Yes it is.**

Disclaimer: No

Warning: None

Tony had a plan. Early in the morning, Tony woke up and hid in the bathroom (making sure he locked the door) that Steve used. Don't ask why it will all make sense soon.

Steve Rodgers had to go to the bathroom badly, not being able to hold it in any longer; he quickly got up and ran for it almost trampling Clint in the process. When he finally got to his bathroom he noticed how the door was closed; Steve's bathroom door was usually never closed; frowning Steve knocked the door just to make sure; "Come in!" Came a voice from inside; needless to say, Steve shrieked and no longer had to go to the bathroom.


	64. Chapter 64

**A/N: Special treat today  
**

**Disclaimer: Not mine**

Warnings: None

Tony, Clint and Steve were all intoxicated, courtesy of Thor and his Asgard mead. While Natasha was not please at all since Tony tried once more to cut her hair, Loki saw this as an opportunity to have fun. Loki quickly rented a taxi and waited outside SHIELD to pick up the three drunkards and drive them back to the Avenger's tower.

Steve, Tony and Clint stumbled into the taxi and demanded to be driven back to the tower (well Tony and Clint demanded, Steve asked). Loki smirked, he turned on the engine and turned it off again "We have arrived" Loki announced as he tried to keep his laughter in. Tony handed him the money and stumbled back out of the taxi, Clint said a rushed thank you and ran out in order to vomit. Loki turned back to see why Steve didn't get out, to his misfortune, Loki's face met with Steve's hand. "Why did you slap me?!" Yelled Loki "CONTROL YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME, you nearly killed us!" Steve yelled back. ****


	65. Chapter 65

**A/N: Yes two chapters in a row; this is the special treat! ****PS: This chapter was inspired from a video let's see if you can guess which one!  
****  
Disclaimer: Not miiiiiine**

Warnings: None

Here are various scenarios as to why Loki cannot leave the US:

Loki decided to visit Australia and even though he tried various times, he was denied access to visit the country when he arrived. "Please state your reason for visiting Australia." Asked the clerk who checked the boarding passes "To rule over your country!" Exclaimed Loki. Access Denied

Loki decided to try once more to visit Australia. "Why are you visiting Australia?" Asked the clerk "Why are you visiting Australia?" Challenged Loki. Access Denied.

Loki is stubborn, we all know that, so he refused to admit his defeat and tried once more. "Reason for visiting Australia?" Asked the clerk "I plan to go shopping for hair care products" Replied Loki. Access Denied.

Once more. "Why are you visiting Australia?" Asked the clerk. Loki didn't bother to answer, he ran for it…of course he got tackled and dragged back, and of course he had to call Coulson to get him out of jail and clean up the mess. Access Denied.

Loki noticed that talking and moving did not help him get into the country so he decided to try again but with a new strategy. "So why are you here?" Asked the clerk; he got no reply, Loki stayed as still as a statue and as silent as a statue. He refused to move or make a sound. Access Denied.

Loki never gives up! "Why are you visiting Australia?" Asked the clerk; Loki tried to answer, he really did but after numerous fails Loki grabbed the denied stamp and slammed it down his own passport. Access Denied.

Maybe being famous would help Loki get in. "May I see your passport?" Asked the clerk. "Why do you need to see my passport? I'm clearly Loki Laufeyson." Stated Loki. Access Denied Forever.

At the end Loki had to give; however, Tony did congratulate Loki for his numerous (and hilarious) trials.


	66. Chapter 66

**A/N: Woot! Hi  
**

**Disclaimer: Why no thank you!**

Warnings: None!

The Avengers and Loki decided to teach Steve how to drive…the following events happened.

"Capiscle…you drive to slow!" Whined Tony, Steve rolled his eyes "Not all of us like going fast Tony." Apparently that was not the correct answer; a frustrated Tony slammed his foot down on top of Steve's making him slam down the accelerator. Five minutes later and they're getting pulled over, "Let me talk us out of this one please" Pleaded Bruce when the cop got to the window. The cop made the signal that they should pull down the window "Do you know why you're getting pulled over?" He asked. Before Bruce could even open his mouth, Thor leaned out the window and snapped a picture of the cop. They got a ticket.

They decided to keep going with the lesson "Steve watch your blind spot." Instructed Bruce, "My blind spot?!" To say that Steve panicked was an understatement; he immediately started looking in a mirror he pulled out from god knows where to check his eyes out. Now it was Bruce's time to panic "Not that blind spot! WATCH THE SCHOOL FENCE!" However, Bruce's shouts fell on deaf ears as they crashed against a school fence; sooner rather than later the Avengers were surrounded by cops; "Why did you crash against the fence?" Asked a bewilder cop, "We were trying to do the world a favor!" Explained Loki. They got a ticket.

The Avengers were pulled over once more; however, this time it was because Clint decided to tangle Tony out the window when he lost his patience. The cop walked over: "Do I even need to explain as to why you're getting pulled over?" He asked. Steve had a plan…the plan was not thought out…"Please officer let us go!...MY WATER BROKE!" He exclaimed. They got a ticket and a recommendation to go see a psychiatrist.


End file.
